What the F&%$! Does He Want?
A Guide To Psychoanalyzing That Hard To Read Client
I’ve worked as a webcammodel for two bewildering, hysterically honest and sometimes, frustrating years. I began as a webcammodel almost exclusively performing private camshows with clients who’re looking for a personal touch. As with any adequately long period of understanding for a new subject, I unraveled some very unexpected patterns. What was revealed to me- and I do believe that by my having a fundamental understanding of the perplexities within the cammodel industry, that I can help any burgeoning new webcam model. I can help them to interpret the less-than-eloquent communicators as they try to explain what exactly they’re seeking.
Why Would I Want to Do That?
Two primary reasons, the first being: The better you understand one fetish, the more you understand them all. Fetishes are psychological, and can lean towards certain principles. For example, the core desire of submissively relinquishing control over one’s sexual agency can manifest itself into different kinks. Being hypnotized, bound/gagged, and blackmailed are 3 very different ways that an individual might fantasize about giving up control. Understanding the roots of different sexual interests first and foremost can help you quickly ascertain what base desires your client tries to express. Basically, it’s applying the scientific method to cammodelig. Now we have SEXY SCIENCE!
No, not that way!
Reason #2 is essentially an addendum to #1, but deserves it’s own explanation. A fundamental understanding of human sexual psychology can help you work smarter, not harder. Especially for those of us who have no interest in catering to group audiences. Not only can it help you get to the heart of the matter with any (genuine) client for whom there’s a communication gap, but it will help you to better analyze and empathize with the most baffling fetishes. The life of a cammodel can become a little peculiar at times. Therefore when you enhance the quality of your performances, you’re creating repeat clients. AKA regulars, AKA the bread and butter of (most) cammodel careers.
Let’s Theorize The Situation
Starting at the monolith of human sexual theory- BDSM. This four letter word isn’t just about dungeons, gimp suits and assumingly dangerous instruments of sexual torture- it’s a rubric designed for reflection of the subconscious sexual being. Many of us have these desires and BDSM is how it can manifest. It’s my belief that almost every kink a person could have is in some way reflected in the domains that BDSM represents. Think of the different overarching elements within this sexual culture with the use of a Venn diagram:Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism all overlapping into one another’s domain.
Frankly, it’s kinda a grey area
Principle A) Most fetishes have multiple base desires
As the figure above suggests, few fetishes occupy a single domain, so it’s usually safe to proceed with the assumption that the person’s desires have more than one ‘root cause’. Let’s make a pariah out of spanking, for example. It certainly seems to be both S&M and B&D… which practically necessitates both a submissive AND a dominant to be present. It’s like the omni-god conundrum in reverse.
Could God create a fetish so blasphemous, that even He couldn’t whack to it?
Principle B) The same fetish can have different base desires, and vice versa.
A few paragraphs above I discussed how being hypnotized, being bound or gagged, and even blackmail, while very different in action, have the same root cause. The desire to give up sexual autonomy. But being hypnotized can also come from the desire to be in an altered mental state during sexual activities like intoxication or sensory deprivation. And then we have the desire to be bound/gagged can also come from the desire to be treated like an object of sexual gratification. Fetishes like human furniture and dollification play fall along those lines. And finally the blackmailed kinkster might enjoy the adrenaline surge more than the loss of control such as sexual asphyxiation play.
Principle C) Only through frank communication can we truly understand the true origins of desire
But frank communication can be harder than it sounds- lots of people struggle to do it with those closest to them, never mind internet acquaintances! And knowing which questions to ask can be confusing at first. Which ultimately brings us to The Strategy- a formula that should yield results in almost every eyebrow-raising encounter.
Some fetishes and kinks can, at the outset, seem straightforward enough in action. They may occupy space in only one or two domains. Let’s scapegoat a kink virtually all cammodels will encounter and indulge during their online career- Jerk Off Instructions. While it doesn’t take much to understand what a JOI show entails, getting at why being instructed on how to masturbate is an intriguing proposition takes a little more work. Here are four questions to ask at the outset of a JOI request;
Do you identify as more of a dom or a sub?
Because it never hurts to ask, and because everyone is unique. It gives your client a chance to extrapolate on his view of himself, his desires, and prepare you what’s to come during your private camshow. Does he want to surrender control to you? Does he want a captive audience while he pleasures himself? These initial questions should provide enough details to make that dynamic more or less clear from the start.
Would you like it more instructional or encouraging?
In addition to providing practical information on what he’d prefer the dialogue to entail, this generally indicates if he’s more aroused by the ‘passive audience’ aspects of instructional (being told what to do, showing off, exhibiting himself in a way that’s for *cough* our pleasure…) than the more ‘active audience’ aspects of encouragement (being adored and watched and verbally fawned over as a means of establishing your attention via voyeurism).
When/how did you learn you were into JOI?
Establishing a background. This can be a relatively fruitless step as the answer might not reveal any valuable information. But it can also be the missing link between ‘Why is he into this?’ and ‘Oh, that’s why.’ If his explanation is that he got into it after watching a few videos on PornHub a few years ago, then it’s probably just a kinky preference. But if he, for example, explains that his first girlfriend and himself used to watch each other masturbate while she breathlessly encouraged him while trying not to disturb relatives in the next room… well, then, you have something personal to work with. From there you can likely deduce that this particular person’s fantasy is caught up in youthful excitement and thrilled at possibly being overheard. Incorporating these elements might give way to a better quality performance, and in turn, client loyalty.
Is there anything else you’d like to share with me before we start?
Invite him to be frank about any additional information he’s been withholding while you be closing. Sometimes they’re just waiting for you to say “spit it out!”
Formatted for anything other than JOI, these four questions are;
Do you identify more as a dom or a sub?
Would you like our show to be more [of this kink-specific element] or [that kink-specific element]?
When did you learn you were into [fetish]?
Is there anything else (pertinent) you’d like to share with me before we begin [our show]?
These three principles and four questions have ultimately led to some of the most long-lived and monetarily successful relationships of my cammodel career. And they’ve ultimately provided greater insight, empathy, and time management. This helps to get both the model and client get the most out of their time and their money. Of course, reading erotic literature, watching videos, and visiting communities concerning fetish discussions is also recommended. This is especially true when you get a wild card kinkster with a fantasy you’ve never heard of before! If you’re a new girl who’s going cross-eyed trying to learn the different kinds of shows (and their acronyms)- don’t be discouraged! Learning how to gracefully pull off any kind of fetish camshow , takes above everything else, practice and of course confidence.
About the Author: Sara Laughs is a kink-loving sexual analyst and webcam hostess specializing in private performances. You can usually find her making overwrought political statements and leering sexual comments on the internet.