A fairly common question that webcam models receive is “what does your boyfriend think of you being a camgirl?” Many will say that they don’t mind and that they even watch them or moderate for them, but what happens when your significant other actually does’t like you working as a camgirl? For myself it has been a struggle to make my own relationships work, I have been in two relationships throughout my cammodel career.
My first relationship became super uncomfortable due to my job as a cammodel because they viewed my job as a “sexual outlet that she could not provide me”. They came to this conclusion because I started camming about a year into our relationship. At first she didn’t seem to have a problem with it but after 2 months she tried it with me and that is when the problem arose. “Do people really talk to you like this?” and “Do you like when they talk to you like that?” became common questions and problems in our relationship.
What she didn’t understand was being a camgirl gave me an opportunity to explore other sides of my sexuality that I hadn’t gotten to discover yet. This led me to the realization that I had a lot more in the world of sex to discover that I didn’t yet know about. My explorations caused some discomfort in our relationship, I wouldn’t say that webcam work ended our relationship but it definitely did play a big part in it.
My current relationship started with interest in my work but he was also not hands on or involved in it. Once he became more involved with it, he started to dislike it. Trying to avoid the same issues my last relationship had, I tried to diversify my time better and we talked more openly about it. He still doesn’t like it.
The Following is an open and honest interview I conducted with my boyfriend about my career as a cammodel.
Q: “What is the thing you dislike the most about me being a camgirl?”
A: How you get super jealous when I mention anything about my ex, when your job consists of being naked and fucking yourself for other guys but I am the bad guy.
Q: “Isn’t there a difference between your past physical experiences and things that she does for money?”
A: No, money doesn’t change the act. Just because money is added to it doesn’t mean shit.
Q: “Can’t you at least respect the job knowing how hard it is and how hard I have to work to make the money?”
A: But that’s your choice, if it’s super hard and you don’t like it why keep doing it then?
Q: “I didn’t say I don’t like it. What gives you that idea?”
A: The way you act after you work sometimes, you become emotional or unattached. On bad nights you’re a bitch and you take it out on me because once you log off or they exit chat you can’t take it out on them anymore.
Q: “How would you describe your few experiences working on webcam as a man?”
A: Guys don’t care, they just want to see tits and see the girl get fucked. It’s not about me at all. People have even said rude things to me in an effort to get your attention.
Q: “What feeling do you get when I work?”
A: Jealousy.
Q: “Why?”
A: You get naked and fuck yourself on camera for other guys.
Q: “Why do you prefer making videos with me as opposed to camming?”
A: Because it’s not interactive, I don’t have to deal with perverts.
Q: “Is there anything about webcam work that you like?”
A: You have made friends because of it.
That is his current view on it, and he still continues to encourage me to seek other career ventures such as writing or a part time job so I don’t have to do webcam work as much. Having a partner who hates camming can be difficult. This is especially true in my circumstance because my partner is currently unemployed. And the thing he hates most is the thing supporting us both, which causes me to become annoyed. Going forward I’m gonna attempt to find a balance that will allow me to make camming more bearable for both of us. I’ve created a list of compromises and hopefully by sharing it with other cammodels it can make life easier for all of us and our resentful significant others.
1. Designate specific camming times.
Doing so will give your partner an idea of when you’ll be working and know to make plans with someone or to stay in a different room. It also establishes the “this a real job” idea when you regulate your hours and it takes away from the idea that it’s a “free time hobby.”
2. Make an effort to have some internet free time with your partner.
Being a cam model is hard, constantly trying to upkeep social media, keep up with your e-mails, and planning future events or editing content. It is rough on both parties, while you are experiencing a big load of work and you’re feeling the stress from it you also have to take into account that you are ignoring your partner in the process. Making time for your partner is important, the more you ignore them the more they will grow to hate camming even more. Having a movie night or binge watching a TV show you both like for a few hours and squeezing in some cuddles can alleviate the tension and give you a much needed break from overworking yourself! Being a cam entity makes it very easy to put TOO MUCH time towards work.
3. Accept that they do not like it.
A big problem with partners that do not like your job is that you will try to change that opinion. This can become intrusive and annoying. I am personally guilty of saying “You hate it now but you don’t hate it when it buys dinner.” (As true as this may be, and as frustrating it can be for some of us) We have to realize that their opinion will not change by force, if it does it has to be on their own accord.
4. Keep them informed about your customers
You keep in contact with your regulars, and relationships like that can cause worry and jealousy between you and your partner. Instead of shielding them from it, explain it. “This is ______ and he buys my videos a lot, he’s a very big supporter.” Justifying your close relationship with a person by bringing it back to the idea that camming is a business will ease your partners mind.
5. Stay Fair
I recently started making content with other cam girls, which opened the door to “if you can have sex with other people why can’t I?” discussion. My response: if you are making money to put towards the bills by doing it, have sex with whoever you want. By providing this fair level it shows them that it is a business venture and not just a fun event. If they insist that because your job involves you making content with other people that they should get to sleep around, and that isn’t something you are okay with or were aware of going into the relationship, then tell them that or leave them. Some things can not be compromised over.
6. Let them know their place, whatever that may be.
Some people will put their relationship above camming, and some will put camming above their relationship. Either way make sure your partner knows the way that stands. My relationship ended over camming, because I chose camming over my partner. After realizing that it mattered to me that much, he made an effort to be less rude about it and told me he would make an effort to be more understanding, which is the reason why we are still together now.
7. Listen to their concerns.
No matter how foolish some of their questions may seem, reassurance is important. If they are worried about your relationship with a person be as open with them as possible. Envy and jealousy are horrible feelings to experience and providing reassurance to your partner that you love and care about them will do wonders.
8. Save some specific things for them.
Whether it be a kinky thing you know that they like or even something as simple as a specific phrase or word, let that be only for them. This will make them feel special and establish a difference between your cam sex life and personal sex life.
9. Find out if they want to be a secret or not.
Telling people online that you are single may increase revenue or make things generally easier for you, but your partner may want you to tell people that you are taken. This is something you will have to discuss the positives and negatives for if it comes up and your opinions differ, but it is still good to know their opinion and they will appreciate you wanting to know what they would want.
10. If you have to chose, chose wisely.
I come down to this a lot, and weigh out the pros and cons of my relationship versus camming. I know that camming is providing for me, that I have a support groups of friends and fans that I can turn to if I need to, and that I have already established my place in the cam world. Due to this, if I had to chose… I would chose my almost 2 year cam career over my 6 month relationship. Not everyone will chose that way, but knowing your choice before it becomes an issue will help you in the long run. If you seem unsure, your partner can try to change your mind, which will just become frustrating for them. If it does become an issue, do not be afraid to do what is best for you.
